Dear Jeremy:
When you died, left a deep and impenetrable hole in my soul and I could stand.
When you left, I could be the saddest person on the face of a land without hope, and I could stand.
And believe it or not, what I endure. I have not passed, they say that maybe you wanted too, but is that perhaps not enough. I still love you too. You will never read this letter, no one ever will. I just want to pretend that in a world of unhappiness and gaps and holes in the chest, for the first time, I write to someone I was happy.
The other people who make me happy, I forgot or stopped loving be happy with me.
That feeling will not let me swallow, and I am still remains a suspicious shadow to flee. The feeling that drink will not leave me broken glass, and glass are smooth through my throat, and easily slip tearing every part of my soul that is not torn up embedded in my heart. This one, with incredible strength, blood is pumped. But he never stirred, never came back to beat with such force that he felt he would go through my chest, never.
Never.
Never is a beautiful word, and infinite. Never is the word that defines me as a person fateful.
I've fallen into depression again. How I fell so many times. But here nobody cares, at least not someone who can do something about it. In night I have nightmares. And turned and turned in bed if you want to close my eyes. Valerie says she can not stand my insomnia because when I can sleep, talk and shouted in my continual nightmares.
Having rejected both Jason, I knew within me a true feeling. The feeling more natural and appropriate to a girl which left her: Hatred.
A negative sentiment found reasons, too strong and able to kill a sanity as he had often acknowledged, in my limited .
I should add that is a jerk. A boy At least he cares about is my feelings. At first, the little that I could find was beautiful.
I whispered sweet words and I was completely blank.
But everything got worse when I left. I never thought that would hurt me that way. It was all the more terrible confusion in my world.
He believed he had cheated. But how could I have hurt so much? "I should have told the truth! But I was so scared. I was so afraid to leave me so, I left the same way.
has been a long time. The months passed and I keep on the same page of my life, although written with other letters, written in black ink.
Jer I have fear, I cling to the ghosts of a memory, the sharp spectrum of a past.
And I wept much I cry! And I laugh at myself as a crazy to see my reflection after each session of crying. Heavens! How miserable, gaunt and frail I am!.
'm your sister, and I continue as before. Perhaps more distant. Maybe colder.
I just need to take some time and get out of loneliness.
I
having a hard time. When I leave the boarding school, and walk around the huge gardens where all I do is turn on my I-Pod and listen to music. Not the music I heard before, the heavy and crazy fun.
All I can hear is All By Myself and sing in full swing, it achieves learn it by heart. Taylor Swift is my only salvation, their songs are just something magical for the moment I'm going through now.
am no longer have to hear to feel understood, and the lyrics of the songs lose their meaning and stay on the air passing through my ears and redirected to my throat, which, the whole eco repeats endlessly and quiet that the only thing that makes it quiet, are the sobs and tears choked me until the end of the trail.
I hurt myself.
I have a masochistic tendency that nobody has managed to erase my personality. And no one will. And when I'm alone, I can not feel more scared and insecure.
I have fear Jer. And you do not I can answer. Do you really have an idea of \u200b\u200bhow pathetic I feel now? I feel I'm losin my mind, I'm going crazy.
But I'm too lonely.
wanted promises I wanted to touch, and wanted everything that he had not.
imagined what would have been, the dreaded if I had done this ... But nothing improved. Every day feed my fantasies, and so I did end wallowing in it like a lap dog looking for love.
And the nightmares came back, and turned his desolation and sorrow again. And the fantasies were useless, just make it worse.
Everything was pathetic. It was nothing.
I felt like a goth, depressed, crazy. Living the furor a teenage love. Now I understand. But teenage love is the most painful, because that is where most weapons suffer because that's when more drama.
And then I felt it. I felt I needed something, something physical, and it was something. was somebody.
Someone to make me fly with every word, and to zeal with every breath.
only breathe and dream a reality. That was what I wanted, and what would not. Just someone to fill the void. Only that, just that. Because
avoided breathing, so that the pieces of glass does not ache so much to do. Because reviewing his picture every day, as if something in your smile would change. Why did all this with bitterness.
Because he hated his new girlfriend, a certain Regina Crawford. At least there was with Natalie, but she also liked me.
The curse not hold back, and looked into it that there were defects. Asking if they thought it more beautiful or attractive than me, and just striving to sink, when in fact I sunk myself.
In a bottomless pit.
Because all this was useless to say. Because I knew if the world will end tomorrow run into his arms, leaving the remainder of dignity to my step.
Who would do the opposite?
Although his arms he belonged to another, I would narrow them without flinching. Although his lips were different, I would kiss without flinching. Although his hair is the same, allow me to hold on to it as if it depended on my oxygen, nor cared.
Nothing mind. And then learn to just live the moment.
If not you will regret later. Just do it. Not repent of something that it really was not bad. Because if something I've learned is that it is better not to fall in love. No one hurts you.
Loves You sister
, Jer ... ***
Professor David, Art and Literature, stopped reading my essay. A deathly silence invaded the room. All my colleagues were silent, and some wept. My essay was an unsent letter, that Professor David had sent a task.
With a broken voice, the teacher called me to the front of the class.
-JULIE said in pitched .- Did you do this? .-
-Yes-I stated rasped.
Enternecedor. "It's ..." He spoke slowly. I was really embarrassed that this was read in class, it was not my plan. It was assumed that only the teacher would read it .- I'm sorry I read in class, Miss Lawrence, but his letter really worth escuchada. "I felt like the rose color to my cheeks and began to feel really embarrassed. All my friends had heard my true feelings, worthy of a psychologist.
I should need one, right?. Anyway ...
All watching me differently, with some regret. And I recognized the feeling: It was a pity. The last thing I wanted to feel in my life. I felt humiliated.
what? He had a reputation to damage after all.
I looked up, and I reached out.
- Can I return the paper please? .- I said dryly.
tienes.-Si ... "He said handing it here.
I returned to my seat, squeeze the thin white paper in my sweaty fingers and turned it into a ball which then flung into the dustbin.
At the sound of the doorbell woke me from my post, a little annoyed, the teacher David stopped me.
- Does it bother you that you have read? .- I ask a little sorry.
"It was not what I wanted, I feel humiliated. Supieran. did not want him, I said quietly.
"Sorry Mel, will not happen again, next time preguntare.-irte.-Respondió." You nodded and left the room.
people through the aisles looking at me with curiosity, the same look with which a child peering into the cage of an animal.
His eyes followed me and I felt cornered. I ran to the safety of my room, and strangely did not cry. Do you really could run out of tears?
Thank God. I thought it would never happen. Mourn no longer seemed a splendid thing, I was sick of it.
I thought Jeremy. I shook my head, I picked up Maggie from the floor, I laid on my lap and I started watching television in the hope of forgetting something.
Then this anesthesia. The heat that radiated from my little dog was like a ball of light and it was comforting to have a living next door.
With fingertips outlining the contours of his coat fine, until suddenly, I fell asleep as always culminated my fits of sadness in a sublime attempt to complete memory loss.
*** Girls, I think I was inspired. Yeah, well I have noticed that I was sad when I wrote it? finally:) I know not a very long chapter, but was in good spirits and I must say that even I was teary-eyed writing this: $ maybe I suffer too much to Melanie, but Hey! I also hear all by myself and cried like a fool jajaj the best song for spite:) good porfa COMMENTS wants them for the next chapter is long indeed: D
pd. I know something: crying in this chapter or any other? ): I have a friend who told me quite dramatic uu wrote
