25 Cap. All by Myself
Sunday, August 22, 2010
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Mirror, mirror on the wall who's the Biggest fool of all?
Must be the girl Who can not stop crying
or maybe the Girl Who Kept on Trying.
***
We are in August. My parents asked me to come home, so the closure continued. Oh, jeez. How soon would be in January would be happy! Just turned 18 come out of that damn place. Well ... When the school year ended, of course está.Antes not let me out.
But I was excited. Everything was being ... Better?.
I do not know why, but something told me that Nicholas wanted me as a friend I guess, but I finally had someone to talk to.
spent hours in his room Tara and Nicole, and even, since ... Since that day, had started to have contact with Valerie.
was happy.
and emotional phenomenon did not happen a long time.
was still pacing by the extensive and beautiful gardens of the internship, and kept hearing the same songs, knowing that the broken glass would be just as hard to swallow. But it was not as often, because I had nothing left to vent. I had already downloaded it. Not that the hole in my chest had ceased to exist, is that had found a way to anesthetize it, though there was no way to cure it.
not stop the glass breaking my lungs and making me short of breath and my heart pump doubted whether blood or let me into oblivion.
No, it was nothing like that. He had found the cure, no vaccine, just as he was not feeling like it was before.
is that now it was getting bearable.
Because it simply was tolerating the simple fact that there would not be leaving immediately and that it was not worth my time exhausted, my neurons and my life into something irretrievable. The damage was done, the question was to learn to live with the injury, knowing it's there, knowing his whereabouts and patching the best possible way to avoid seeing it.
And as many said, and repeated''like myself who do not know, is like one who does not see.'' What if I break schemes, what if I knew but avoided seeing? It was much easier .. right?. That was what I was thinking.
And the days passed. And still breathing, to my surprise.
Then I understood, almost 3 years later that he would not have wanted that life for me. And I was living in the worst and most inhumane way possible. And that would not have wanted.
So I changed. I emptied my I-Pod for All By Myself, not me tempted to re-listen, and they could see me dancing around in the corridors''Girls Just Want to Have Fun''echo screaming at Nicole and Tara.
And if I had understood before that that was what I needed, I would have done.
Then I switched to Celine Dion by Ke $ ha and was the best decision I have taken before.
As vacation time, we could go to town with a 'Chaperone' on his back and buy and have fun until six pm on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday.
Then came the bribes, we got rid of him and we went shopping around the city.
never had even thought about buying a blouse or a phosphorescent green with a strawberry patterned Converse, but I did. And went through the city, skating with a bow attached to one side of the head 80's style, overly bright colored blouses, scarves and leggings. And I never laughed so much before the prying eyes of passers-by and I laughed Nicole Falls.
course, nobody, absolutely nobody has the idea of \u200b\u200bskating in England, whether summer. But if we were able to use those clothes: Why not?.
We stopped in Starbucks to buy iced coffee and chat.
was still a teenager. And I liked that. That feeling of 'just want to have fun' was glory for me. And I was happy that way.
When he saw the need to talk to someone, and could not say something to my friends, just wrote a letter, a letter not sent. It was my new choice for everyday, and I really liked more.
As had happened a few times, I wanted to call my mother, but could not be so anyway.
On Wednesday I went out to walk the grounds of the school with Nicholas, he was good company.
In the area around the school had a beautiful little lake that never had the fortune to visit and Nicholas was determined to take me, so I let myself be guided.
"You'll see Melanie's wonderful! .- Said covering my eyes excited.
-Ok, ok.-Repetía.-Estupendo. "I said laughing. I felt that was going to fall really hard, but kept saying I would never fall.
Soon I heard the rumor Sparkling water body to which we approached and I felt like my heart, my poor heart is weak, again pounding beat.
- We arrived Mel! .- Announced with triumphantly and I figured, a dazzling smile.
- Should you remove your hands from my eyes or maybe it's part of your plan? .- I said laughing.
"Oh, well is zafándome cierto." He said the darkness of his hands.
laughed again, and it was very easy. To not have to pretend those silly giggles nerve never convince anyone of its truth.
I saw before me the beautiful lake, blue, bright and alive.
The water was moving smoothly creating eddies created by tenacious breeze caused the trees in motion.
"It's ... Beautiful Nicholas." I said astonished. It was truly beautiful. My hair is moved to and fro air and formed a bright reflection on the restless chocolate brown water.
Nicholas watched entranced ripples of the lake while unconsciously played with one of the loose strands of my hair.
I put my head on his shoulder and circled my shoulders with his arm.
stayed in this position a long time, really did not know much, but I do not care. The sun sank under its own weight on the fluffy pink clouds of springtime, we all dream to jump when we saw them as children.
A gust of wind hit my face and the beautiful scenery reminded me a Canadian days, although in truth they have nothing in common.
Nicholas I shuddered and took notice.
- Are you cold? .- He asked hugging me tightly, to the point that I lost my breath.
-N-no.-Respondí. "I think I'm missing rather aire." I said acting dramatically.
"Oh," said siento. away from me. I started to laugh hard and I lay on the lush grass surrounding the lake.
- What do you like to do? .- Asked.
-Read and listen to music, the first thing is something that I have not long ago, and I would do it again, but I have no books aquí.-explained.
-Reading is a good habit I guess ... But I do not call too much attention .- peevish said.
hermoso. "It's something I sighed.
- So you like literature? .-
-So .-
"You should write algo.-stated.
"I'm good, I made some short stories but most consider them boring, or meaningless .-
" I do not think so, you should give ... Give Tara anyone to read it .- said.
- Fixed the 'give me ''for what reason? .-
"Because I do not read nor Mel. license plates, said burst into laughter, I joined his contagious laughter.
"It cierto. I smiled .- I get to ask ... Do you have pets? .-
" Yes, a Siberian wolf is very beautiful, though perhaps too naughty ha ha .- smiling. said "Maybe one day I can see the famous Maggie .-
" Yes, the verás.-Ref.-always wanted a Siberian wolf, are beautiful .- flattery.
We a while in silence.
A pleasant silence, a silence that was not overwhelming or uncomfortable. A silence that had to be filled with empty phrases. Just feel it and embrace it.
I joined to see the reflection of the beautiful sunset over the water and a few seconds after Nicholas did the same.
This time, put his head on my shoulder, and I could feel her breath on my chest rhythmically. I watched the calm water in front of us, so warm, so pure. The beautiful sun was reflected moody sky with bright flashes and some green colors of the edges.
was absorbed in anything, more ecstatic.
And then I remember, as was not having to think about anything.
- What if I put the foot there, "suggested.
- Are you crazy? .- Ref. "It must be frozen
.-" It can not be pregnant so ....- said pulling socks.
...- Well I said laughing. Rolled up his khakis to above the knees and brought his foot in the water.
He nodded and got curious the other also.
- This delicious, a bit cold, but perfect! .- Cried like a child Christmas.
began to laugh, a contagious and rhythmic ripples, like a baby.
-Mel ... You do not have a boyfriend right? .- Said shyly, and shrinking my eyes. I blushed, and not only that, I felt my eyes filled with tears to be contained, so you do not see how much it affected me and witness the spectacle he saw Valerie.
"No." I said, swallowing hard.
...- "So ... you hesitated.
- Mm? Look! .- .- I said diverting the subject is too dark! "I suggested we should volver..
"It would be nice .. See the stars Did not think? .-
Sería. -Lo ... "I said.
"Let's stay, no one notará." He said shrugging his shoulders.
"These malinfluenciándome Nicholas.-Rel.
"I know, no you could use a little diversión." He said pulling the feet of water.
"Maybe I said ...- resigned. The stars began to appear, and Nicholas found him intriguing shapes that I was not even imagined.
-... And that is a rabbit-revés. proudly announced.
- How do you know it's a rabbit? .-
"I know everything JULIE said laughing.
"Yeah, sure ...- laughed.
"That's the bear mayor.-indicated.
"That if it exists, but not the one you pointed out .-
- Sure! .- Reneged sulking.
"No." I said taking his hand.-Esa.-Draw the outline of the true great bear with his finger, but did not see the stars, if not our fingers ...- Hum entrelazados.-releasing snorted.
"No, it bien." He said taking my hand.
-N-no.-I shook.
Mel -Quiet, close your eyes, just listen .-
-Play''What
?''.- "The Silence muttered in my ear.
"I like the silence, that just is so depressing sometimes ...
...-" I know, crush the ears, but it is sweet, when you have someone in your lado.-whispered .
"Perhaps it can be cierto.-Concord.
-just depends who is this 'someone' .-
duda. -Sin-muttered.
- Who do you want to be in silence Mel? .- Asked.
-No .. I do not know, "I muttered, his mind in white" I have much sleep ...-
Mel. "Sleep" He said lying down next to me.
"We should re ...- I said.
"No I do not want to go back there .-
" But this is like escaparse.-protested.
"Technically we are on holidays .-
- In a boarding school? .- Ironic.
"It's better than no vacation and ya.-pointed.
gradually stopped talking, and I was drowsy until the end, I fell rendered in the middle of nowhere under the stars lying on the chest of Nicholas in front of a beautiful lake.
was too .. Romantic? ... ***
- What if I put the foot there, "suggested.
- Are you crazy? .- Ref. "It must be frozen
.-" It can not be pregnant so ....- said pulling socks.
...- Well I said laughing. Rolled up his khakis to above the knees and brought his foot in the water.
He nodded and got curious the other also.
- This delicious, a bit cold, but perfect! .- Cried like a child Christmas.
began to laugh, a contagious and rhythmic ripples, like a baby.
-Mel ... You do not have a boyfriend right? .- Said shyly, and shrinking my eyes. I blushed, and not only that, I felt my eyes filled with tears to be contained, so you do not see how much it affected me and witness the spectacle he saw Valerie.
"No." I said, swallowing hard.
...- "So ... you hesitated.
- Mm? Look! .- .- I said diverting the subject is too dark! "I suggested we should volver..
"It would be nice .. See the stars Did not think? .-
Sería. -Lo ... "I said.
"Let's stay, no one notará." He said shrugging his shoulders.
"These malinfluenciándome Nicholas.-Rel.
"I know, no you could use a little diversión." He said pulling the feet of water.
"Maybe I said ...- resigned. The stars began to appear, and Nicholas found him intriguing shapes that I was not even imagined.
-... And that is a rabbit-revés. proudly announced.
- How do you know it's a rabbit? .-
"I know everything JULIE said laughing.
"Yeah, sure ...- laughed.
"That's the bear mayor.-indicated.
"That if it exists, but not the one you pointed out .-
- Sure! .- Reneged sulking.
"No." I said taking his hand.-Esa.-Draw the outline of the true great bear with his finger, but did not see the stars, if not our fingers ...- Hum entrelazados.-releasing snorted.
"No, it bien." He said taking my hand.
-N-no.-I shook.
Mel -Quiet, close your eyes, just listen .-
-Play''What
?''.- "The Silence muttered in my ear.
"I like the silence, that just is so depressing sometimes ...
...-" I know, crush the ears, but it is sweet, when you have someone in your lado.-whispered .
"Perhaps it can be cierto.-Concord.
-just depends who is this 'someone' .-
duda. -Sin-muttered.
- Who do you want to be in silence Mel? .- Asked.
-No .. I do not know, "I muttered, his mind in white" I have much sleep ...-
Mel. "Sleep" He said lying down next to me.
"We should re ...- I said.
"No I do not want to go back there .-
" But this is like escaparse.-protested.
"Technically we are on holidays .-
- In a boarding school? .- Ironic.
"It's better than no vacation and ya.-pointed.
gradually stopped talking, and I was drowsy until the end, I fell rendered in the middle of nowhere under the stars lying on the chest of Nicholas in front of a beautiful lake.
was too .. Romantic? ... ***
- Nicholas? .- I said waking up. Oh dear! He had slept Nicholas up, and we were still in the middle of nowhere.
The questions began parading through my mind with a million questions.
at boarding "would know that Nicholas and I were not? Would they have noticed our absence? There were so many, and so my troubles.
-Nicholas. "I said zarandeándolo. despierta.-repeated Nicholas.
- Hum? .- Exclaimed sleepy.
- We must return! .-
- Oh right! .- Angustiado. said "Come on, starving! .-
few times I was tired much in my life, but just a few I had so much fun.
had often heard phrases about love, but definitely recognized that this had a certain reality: I love you for who I am when I'm with you.
I did not love him. But definitely loved Melanie coming out in me when I was with him.
Carefree. Alegre
And my concept of happiness .
would no longer unsent letters but no longer write in my journal.
I limited to erase the shadows of the past and start living the sun would illuminate my mind. I just wanted to live, dream, be happy, and music.
was all. Would it be too much to ask?
Maybe yes ... Maybe not. But just wanted to be Melanie's when I met Nicholas.
I limited to erase the shadows of the past and start living the sun would illuminate my mind. I just wanted to live, dream, be happy, and music.
was all. Would it be too much to ask?
Maybe yes ... Maybe not. But just wanted to be Melanie's when I met Nicholas.
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